Hello from the last day before birth week š
Itās a gloomy Sunday in Brooklyn, and the week ahead looks to be full of rain and low temperatures, and frankly I donāt even care cause itās birth week, babes! Yes, Iām 30 and I still anticipate and celebrate my birthday with everything in me. Itās a day dedicated to celebrating me, whatās not to love??
Okay, that made me sound incredibly narcissistic, lol. Maybe I am, idk, or maybe Iām just a human who craves external validation and affection to an extent bordering on the unhealthy, and birthdays are an easy way to get it. Also, itās a celebration of having made it another year; especially as someone whose suicidal ideation is always at my feet, usually snoring like a sleepy dog but sometime attacking like a wolf, this is a big deal.
In other news, yesterday I saw Challengers (2024) in the movie theater and wow. Tashi Duncan, you have my heart. Art and Patrick, youāre fine, but Tashi??? I love her. Womenās wrongs etc etc.
In todayās missive, Iām reflecting on where life has led me; sharing a random collection of photos from the past two weeks; and furthering my reflections on writing as activism. Hope you enjoy <3
Stick around, share your thoughts in the comments, pass the newsletter on to a friend who might like it!
From the heart š
I turn 31 this week. Itās both incredibly young and much odler than I thought I would ever turn. Iām both proud of everything Iāve accomplished already and devastated that I havenāt done more.
In my youth1 I imagined that by this age Iād already have a husband, several children, some books published, a thriving career. In my early 20s, I pictured myself walking the streets of Manhattan in a power suit and stilettos, chasing down stories and writing explosive feature articles for a well-regarded news outlet. In my mid-20s, I shifted that goal and was going to be a part-time Brooklyn barista who sold books and chatted with her regulars, charming them and the masses alike.
None of those lives have come true, and somehow I fear I am living the worst reality of them all. I spend 90% of my time in bed, 50% of it on my computer. I write books and revise them and donāt know if theyāre any good at all, but I keep doing it because thereās some beast inside me that wonāt be sated unless Iām pouring my soul onto the page. I work for a company that doesnāt care whether I live or die2 and I make enough to pay rent and utilities and some food and the rest I put on my credit cards; my debt is overwhelming. I swipe pointlessly on the apps, looking for the love of my life because Iām convinced that my life will only have meaning if someone else says itās so.
I am not living the life of my dreams. Iām barely living a life at all.
Itās about to be my 31st birthday, and I think I need to make some changes. I donāt want to get too deep into this decade the way Iām living right now.
Ugh, I started this newsletter being all positive and excited about my birthday, and then I hurt my own feelings with this section, lol. I feel like the process of writing how my life doesnāt look like I thought it would really shone a light on how much I donāt like about the way Iām living.
And maybe thatās enough. Maybe I just need to realize that things arenāt good, that Iām not healthy in my mind, spirit, or body, and that I need to drastically change things. Maybe I need to recommit, make some 31st birthday resolutions, determine to do better. Determine to work toward living the life I actually want to live, not just the one Iāve fallen into a rut with.
I turn 31 this week, and I think itās time for me to wake up and start living.
From the camera roll šø
From the page āļø
This was supposed to be about writing as activism, but I just wrote āfrom the heartā and hurt my own feelings about it, so I donāt think I have the brain or heart capacity to do that topic the justice I wish.
So instead, Iāll just write about some of the things that matter to me, that Iām trying to do activism for. Kind of like a meta, āthe writing is the activism to prove that writing should be activismā exercise, ya feel?
Anti-censorship: If youāre enmeshed in the book world, youāll know that the incidence of book bans, book challenges, and quiet censorship in the US has risen sharply over the past few years. This affects BIPOC & LGBTQ+ stories in disproportionate numbers, but itās harming pretty much any marginalized author.
Iād encourage you to stay plugged in by subscribing to
for regular news updates and excellent reporting, in addition to action items.Iād also encourage you to plug in to your local communities, be that libraries or school boards. Iāve been meaning to reach out to my local library branches to do some writing activities and ask them what help they need. Iāll plan to do that this week.
Iāve written several articles about this topic; if anyone is reading this and interested in me interviewing them for this newsletter or other sites about it, hit me up. Iām always willing to talk and spread the truth as wide as I can.
Pro-Palestine: If youāre subscribed to this newsletter, I hope you know that Iām pro-Palestine, anti-genocide, and for liberation. Iāve spoken about it at length, but in sum: thereās a genocide being carried out against Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. Israel has declined to accept deals that would stop the carnage, because this isnāt about hostages or Oct. 7, itās about subjugation and eradication of a people. That is unconscionable. The fact that America is not just cheerleading but bankrolling it is infuriating. We must keep speaking up about this.
Queer stories: I write queer love stories because itās what I crave in my own life, and because I wonder if I would have realized who I was sooner if Iād had access to them in my own youth. I write them because every child deserves to see themselves in fiction; and I write them because every child deserves the chance to make up their own mind about accepting others.
Mental health rep: I am mentally ill. I put it in my stories, in my newsletters, in my articles and personal essays, because seeing others discuss their own life with mental illness has brought me so much hope over the years, and I want to do the same.
Young adult fiction and kidlit as a whole: Listen, I did a whole MFA in writing for kids and teens. Itās so important to me to write and celebrate stories for kids and teens.
Thereās more, but Iām feeling emotions and theyāre draining me so Iām going to stop there. Write your activism, friends.
Alla prossima š
Iām worn out. I hope you have a beautiful week. I love you.
ā Karis xoxo
My teens, lol.
And probably wishes it were the latter, lmao, so they could replace me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY
Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency here. Iām sorry for the rut. Please know Iām cheering for you from afar, and up for a chat anytime you need cheering or someone to listen! Take care, Karis!